This is probably going to be long and drawn out, but I need to get this off my chest.
My dad and I haven’t always had the best relationship; we butt heads constantly about almost everything. With this being said, I know he loves me with all his heart and he has and always will want what’s best for me and of course I love him, even though I’m mad at him a lot of the time.
A little sidetracking in this story, but it’s necessary. Since the summer, my parents and I have been going to therapy about a variety of issues. For me in particular, I have a lot of self-confidence issues that have been plaguing me my entire life. I have always felt that being the nice guy and letting people take advantage of my kindness is the only way to have friends. And of course, one of the issues that come up when I talk with Bunny (my therapist) is the relationship I have with my dad.
My dad has always placed a lot of pressure on me to succeed in everything and in turn, I have placed the pressure on myself. In everything from sports to school.
The past few weeks, the pressure has increased significantly because with my completion of college, he has been on my back about finding a real life job. I understand that I need to do that, but asking me every day, 5x a day, isn’t going to make me find one faster. Just to clarify: I have a job, just not in my field of study. This has been putting a strain on our already tenuous relationship.
And today, he gave me all this information about grad school, taking the GRE, and all that good stuff. About 2 hrs ago, he goes to therapy and when he comes home, he wants to talk to me.
He tells me that yelling at me, talking at me, and saying things to me like “I am going to leave you and your enabling mother to your own devices so you two can struggle on your own” isn’t going to help me with anything I’m working towards right now. He said that he also understands that my working with Bunny to understand how to make myself happy and bring up myself confidence is what is most important right now; that he just wants me to be happy.
I don’t know what Bunny said to him or what revelation he had, but it’s going to make my life so much easier. It’s also the building blocks to having a better relationship with him. I can finally do all of this stuff on MY timetable, at MY pace. Even he said it, and I’m so glad he did: if I don’t go to grad school next fall, it won’t be the end of the world. He has finally realized that I need to get experience in what I think I want to do and be 100% sure it’s what I want.
It’s finally my time to explore me, to understand myself, the relationships I have with people, and build my confidence. Not to say I won’t be looking for a job and all that stuff. But like I said before: it’s going to be on MY timetable, NOT his.